Stress & How It Impacts The Body
I always thought I knew how to manage stress, I also was under the impression that stress didn’t affect me like it did others. I am getting incredibly vulnerable here, It took me years to open up about this to my closest friends and family. If I told my 20 year old self I was going to share this information with complete strangers on the internet, i think I would have been physically sick due to deep feelings of embarrassment and shame. But growth comes in vulnerability.. so here we go.
Hair Pulling / Trichotillomania
It started when I was in high school. I can’t remember the exact day, or moment. But I do remember sitting in class, usually math, which I had a harder time understanding. The teacher would be explaining something and I was having difficulty grasping the concept. I would go ask them for help and they would re explain it in the same way as before, which only left me feeling more confused. I would go sit back down and all these emotions would flood in:
Frustration- Why can’t the teacher try explaining it in a way I might understand.
Anger- What’s wrong with me that I can’t understand this.
Embarrassment- Why does everyone else In class seem to understand yet I can't..
For the rest of the class, I would sit there and Lament. That’s when my hand would slowly drift to my hair. It started by singling out the “perfect” hair. (If you’ve ever experienced hair pulling you know exactly what i’m talking about) It had something to do with the texture and thickness of the hair. When it first started I would just find the hair and roll it between my fingers, but as this condition progressed, I actually started pulling the hair out. I didn’t know why I was doing this, it seemed at first I was only pulling when I felt overwhelmed, but as time went on, the pulling seemed to happen more and more frequently. I had no control over it and I couldn’t stop.
I felt such shame that I was pulling my hair out and I was so worried that someone at school would notice. I remember one evening my family and I were watching tv together, my mom asked me why I kept touching my hair. I told her I didn’t know and instantly pulled my hand away. I wish I would have told her then, it might have saved me years of struggling with this. But I felt ashamed, how would I explain to someone that I pull my hair out, I want to stop but I can’t and I don’t know why i’m doing it. In the middle of the night I would google why i’m pulling my hair out. Everything said it was a chemical imbalance in my brain and this was the way my body dealt with stress and anxiety. My take away from that was A) what even is anxiety? B) chemical imbalance in the brain?… so am I crazy? I would delete all my search history and triple check that there was no proof of me searching this. The last thing I needed was someone finding out I am “crazy”.
Shortly after this I had a hair appointment. My hair dresser had asked me if I noticed I had a lot of new growth at the back of my head. She asked me if I was ever waking up with hair in my hands, because some people pulled their hair out in their sleep. I lied and said it was because I was wearing my hair up all the time for the sports I played. This filled me with panic, If she noticed who else noticed? This was when I switched to pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows out to hopefully give the hair on my head a “break”.
I was at the age where I finally had my own drivers license, and it was exciting to drive to McDonalds for lunch. On top of that I was starting to drink alcohol with my friends. I didn’t know it at the time but the combination of a fast food diet and alcohol was causing my eczema to worsen everyday. I had always had eczema but it was mostly in my elbow creases and would only show up in the winter months.. But at this point it was starting to creep up my neck and onto my face. So now not only was I covered in a rash, but I was also pulling my hair out non stop. My self worth was at an all time low.
I have an Uncle who at this point in time, was struggling with a substance abuse problem. The word addict was constantly thrown around, and my family was so upset and worried about him. I remember constantly comparing myself to him, Id think- if I can’t stop myself from pulling out my hair, then i’m addicted to it. So what makes him so different from me. He can’t stop even if he wants to, neither can I.
I continued on this path of secrecy and shame for the next 8 years or so. I had only ever once pulled my hair out so consistently in one area that it created a bald spot. I was able to hide it. But as I Learned on the internet, I was very lucky to be able to control the pulling enough to only ever have experienced the one spot. Usually this condition left people with very large spots of missing hair.
In 2019 my hair started falling out due to alopecia ( if you want to read more about this check out “My Hair Journey” in my blog) So now I was experiencing bald spots from the alopecia and I still couldn’t stop the pulling. I was still struggling with both of these when 2021 rolled around. My Grandma who I was very close with passed away. I was there when it happened and I had very hard time coping with that. I started to experience panic attacks and nightmares and that’s when I knew I needed help.
I booked an appointment with my doctor and she prescribed me something to help with anxiety. I told her about the hair pulling- sort of. I told her it had started when my grandma passed and left out the fact that i’d actually been doing it for over 10 years now. She gave me the name of a therapist who specialized in compulsive disorders such as pulling and picking. I booked in with her. They were virtual sessions because we were still at the tail end of covid. So I only booked them when I knew my boyfriend wouldn’t be home. At this point I had told no one that I was seeing a therapist. I learned a lot from her on ways to try and control or reduce my pulling such as, wearing gloves at times where I would find myself pulling the most, or picking up hobbies that kept my hands busy when I was watching tv such as knitting or cross stitch. These were helpful but I wanted to know more of why this was happening and not just how to minimize it. I booked in with a therapist who specialized in anxiety. The first thing we did was measure my levels for stress and anxiety and I had very high levels of both. It took me quite a few sessions to open up, but finally I started talking about all these things I didn’t even know were bothering me. Every time I left her office I felt lighter.
I knew I didn’t want to hide anymore. My therapist had recommended I tell someone who I really trust to support me. I told 2 of my best friends first about the pulling. Of course they were nothing but supportive and once again I felt lighter. At this point I had been dating my boyfriend for 6 years, I wanted to tell him but I was nervous that he’d be upset that I’d been hiding this from him for so long, because we told each other everything. When I told him he wasn’t hurt or disgusted, like I’d worried he be, he was just extremely supportive. He started noticing when my hands would go to my hair absentmindedly and get my attention. This actually helped me a lot because I had been pulling for so many years that the movement by this point, was second nature for me. Slowly bit by bit my pulling became less frequent. I started marking the calendar on the days I didn’t pull and would celebrate each one. One of my stretches went for 1 whole year.
I found the Medical Medium when I was trying to heal my eczema. Through his information I was able to not only heal my eczema but also my alopecia. I started learning the effects that stress has on the body and how they can be reversed. I also learned that I wasn’t “crazy” and in fact I could recover from it.
I am no longer on any sort of medication for anxiety.
“Our adrenal glands produce important hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol, which are essential for mounting an effective response to stress. However, these responses are predicated on the notion that the stress response is a short-lived reaction to immediate threats that resolve quickly. When someone experiences ongoing stress, however, such as financial trouble, a demanding job, or chronic illness, the adrenal glands get overextended, and can end up having the equivalent of a nervous breakdown and behave erratically.” - Medical Medium
Some signs you may be dealing with adrenal fatigue can be:
You’re tired all day at work, but feel energetic in the evening
You’re exhausted at night but have trouble falling asleep
Feeling unrested after a full night’s sleep
Sweating excessively when performing light tasks (due to your endocrine system working overtime to compensate for lack of adrenaline)
Feeling thirsty and can’t seem to quench your thirst, you have dry mouth, or crave salt
Blurry vision or difficulty focusing (cortisol can dehydrate the body, including the eyes)
Craving stimulants. If you’re reaching for cigarettes, caffeine, and/or sugary snacks to keep you going, you may be instinctively substituting your diminishing adrenal hormones.
Energy crashing during the day
Trouble concentrating
Feeling easily confused
Forgetfulness
Trouble completing basic tasks
Depression
Insomnia
“Eating only three times per day can be tough on the adrenal glands, because your adrenals release cortisol if your blood sugar drops too low between meals, which brings your blood sugar back up. So if you frequently go without eating for long stretches, you’re straining your adrenals and not giving them a chance to recuperate. Thus, you can support your adrenals by eating a light, balanced meal every 90 minutes to two hours. This helps keep your blood sugar steady throughout the day so that your adrenals don’t have to interfere, giving them a chance to rest and restore themselves.
Ideally your meals should contain a balance of potassium, sodium, and natural sugar (i.e. from fruits, which contain critical nutrients, not table sugar!)” - Medical Medium
A great snack option is:
A date (potassium), two celery sticks (sodium), an apple (sugar)”
Other foods that support adrenal health include sprouts, asparagus, wild blueberries, bananas, garlic, broccoli, kale, raspberries, blackberries, romaine lettuce, and red-skinned apples. These foods help strengthen the nervous system, reduce inflammation, ease stress, and provide critical nutrients for adrenal function.
For me Managing my stress was an effort of both proper diet and action combined. Why are you stressed all the time and what are you doing to reduce it.
For me managing my stress looks like:
Daily movement- This doesn’t have to mean killing yourself in the gym. it could be as simple as going for a 10 minute walk.
Journaling - I use this as a outlet for my emotions, whatever i’m feeling, I write it down.
Stay off my phone for the first hour of my day - Ever picked up your phone in the morning and all of a sudden you’ve been scrolling on some app and now you are running late and your whole mornings rushed? Me too, let’s not do that anymore.
Therapy - I have learned SO much about myself and my emotions. I make a list of things that are bothering me and when I get a few items piling up I book an appointment. My advice would be take the time to try a couple different ones. It’s important to find someone who clicks with you.
Reading- Put down your phone, and pick up the dang book. It doesn’t need to be self help. Ive been on a real fantasy kick and I love it. It gets me out of my head completely and when you find a story you love, it captures your whole attention.
Tell someone you trust about the things going on in your life. you don’t have to go through it on your own.
My therapist always tells me - The more we are open and vulnerable, the less room we allow shame to grow.
The more Ive talked about my struggles and hair pulling, the less I care about what people think of it. I still have some people in my life who don’t seem to grasp it and that ok. Its not about them.
Through Christmas break I noticed I was picking back up some old habits such as; I was one my phone constantly, I wasn’t going to the gym or on my walks, I wasn’t doing anything for multiple days in a row and then I would try to go to bed but wasn’t tired, so I would scroll on my phone again. My boyfriend and I are trying to buy a house right now but we’ve hit a couple road blocks and it’s caused me a lot of stress. I wasn’t looking at the warning signs and all the ways I haven’t been taking care of myself lately and just like that, my hair pulling slithered its way back in into my life. So now I’ve been focusing on doing the things I know I need to do and wouldn’t you know it, i’m starting to feel better and the urge to pull has lessened again.
This is my first time on earth and these are my experiences. I don’t know what the heck I doing most of the time, but you will not find me hiding anymore while i’m figuring it out.
If you are reading this and have gone through something similar, send me a message. Hair pulling happens to roughly every 1/100 people. You are not alone.
My hope by sharing this is that you don’t over look your stress. I hope that this encourages you to take the time to learn what makes you feel more at ease. Constant stress is no joke and I’m still recovering from letting stress and anxiety lead my life.
Lots of love,
Kelsey.
